When someone we know and or love is diagnosed with cancer, we often feel like we’ve got to find the right words to make the situation better and very often… It can make the situation worse.
When I was diagnosed I heard some of the craziest things I’ve EVER heard anyone say.
Here are the top five things that were said to me, but shouldn’t have been:
- “Is that your REAL hair???” (I kid you not! No chemo, rads only on knee and someone actually asked this one)
- “Are you going to lose your leg???” (I don’t care how curious you are or how much you care, NEVER ask such an insane and ignorant question! If your friend/loved one want to tell you, they will. Don’t ask)
- “What kind of tattoos are those???” (Speaking of the Sharpie target marks for my radiation… Duh!)
- “Let me know if you need anything…” (Not going to happen, if you want to do something, just do it because we WON’T ask)
- This last one may well offend some, but for someone dealing with cancer’s injustices there’s a great deal of anger and you need to remember that fact… Number five is “I’ll pray for you.” (There’s nothing wrong with praying for someone, but it often is said very casually and when an individual is going through the anger that comes with cancer, it’s the last thing that they may want to hear)
People search for the right words when a friend or loved one is diagnosed with cancer, but the truth is that there are no words that can fix it. Often allowing the person vent, cry, talk or sit in silence is what they need. Be there, you DON’T need to SAY anything… Being there is by far the most important thing and saying nothing is better than saying the wrong thing.
Be sensitive to what your loved one is feeling; you don’t need to hurt them more by saying something crazy and foolish.
“Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain.” ~Author Unknown
Chaotic Survivorship 